Songs to the Ether
3.9.25
I know that I am lovable just the way I am to you. You will see me working to heal, to be better, stronger, a better communicator, a protector, a provider of safety. You will see me, my effort, and you will love me for it. I will see you as lovable just the way you are. Together, we will be easy to love and be around. We will be proud of each other’s efforts and progress in our individual journeys and our journey together. We are both lovable the way we are, my love.
3.4.25
I’ve made a playlist called “When You Love Somebody” on Spotify. I listen to it and think about you, wondering which songs you would like most and which ones would surprise you. One thing you’ll discover about me - I’m a massive music nerd (as to be expected from someone with a BA in Music), but it goes beyond theory and composition. My love for music wades through story, production, mood, events that were happening at the time, and any other influences that might appear in a song. More importantly, music makes me feel. Makes me dream. Fuels my desire for life and for you. So, bring your dancing shoes, my love, and let’s dance the nights away.
3.3.25
I am worthy of your love and affection and you are worthy of mine. I know that we have so much to offer each other: joy, safety, humor, growth, and intimacy. I’m excited to delight in your offerings as I know you are excited to delight in mine. Let us feast and have our fill of each other, my love.
3.1.25
I find myself wondering what our lazy weekend mornings look like. Would we open the window to let the sounds of early spring fill our space? Would we sip coffee in bed? Make love? Go get brunch? Talk about all matter of things - from the ridiculous to the sublime? We could move at our own leisure, willing time to move at a pace that allows for connection and joy. Happy Saturday, my love.
2.26.25
There is something very soothing about being in the presence of someone you are in love with. It's like nothing else matters and nothing can harm you. I know there will be great peace in your presence. The space we will create will be a refuge from the human war noise. Our arms, a bunker for the other to seek shelter from the winds of stress. The words we exchange bring calm from the raging storms of life.
2.24.25
I like the thought of us being adventurous together. I'm sure there are places you've seen that I haven't - show me! I'm sure there are places you've not seen that I have - come with me! I'm sure there are places neither one of us have seen - let's go!
There is a joy in seeing wonder in someone's eyes that is seeing something awe inspiring for the first time. I want us to see that in each other's eyes as we travel lands near and far.
2.21.25
I've done my share of breaking hearts. I've had my share of having my heart broken. What I've discovered in both - I was breaking my own heart. I had not come to a place of understanding as to what I really needed and wanted in the past. With the help of self-reflection, therapy, and doing the hard work of healing, I've discovered what I want and need - safety. I need a safe space where I can openly and honestly share my emotions, desires, dreams, etc.
I know you can and will create such a space for me. I will create a safe space for you as well. I want us to feel safe in each other's presence. It will be a sacred and protected place for us to grow as individuals and as partners.
2.19.25
"Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me" - Bob Seger
How fitting is that quote? It's the perfect begin my new set of songs to the ether. Because someday you will accomp'ny me.
I don't know who you are.
I don't know where you are.
I don' know what you look like.
But it’s you I'm waiting for. That I'm calling towards me.
These songs are yours. Consisting of my thoughts of you, hopes for you, desires for you. It will be a place I can put forth my hopes for us.
Let's begin our journey, my love.
Songs to the Ether
Five years ago, I began writing in a small notebook. A notebook that, I’m sure, is in a landfill somewhere under piles of dirty diapers, banana peels, and plastic Walmart bags.
For a year, I wrote in this notebook.
Every.
Day.
And then I detached from it.
Let it go.
To do the work I had asked of it.
But Tolar, what was in the notebook?!
Glad you asked.
Songs.
Songs to the ether.
Whispered words of hope and longing.
Of love.
Of joy.
Of the battle through a loneliness that felt unending.
Words to a woman, a muse, a friend, a lover who I hoped would appear.
A plea.
A petition.
A kind of prayer.
Songs to the ether.
I believed that if I wrote to her, she would come. That she would be the gift from what ever cosmic power is out there. A gift that I’ve been asking for because I felt that I was ready.
Ready to love and to be loved again.
To love from a place of my own healing.
To love well.
To love in a fullness that we both deserved.
So, I wrote to her.
But only imposters came forward, making me feel that my songs to the ether had brought the love I so carefully crafted within the notebook.
Only to be let down.
Only to reveal the parts of me that still needed to be loved better by myself first.
Yet, I still hold to hope.
That she’s out there and will one day appear.
And stay.
A woman, a muse, a friend, a lover.
Ready to love and be loved.
By me.
And my Songs to the Ether.